I still have work to do on RECEIVING love. I much prefer being in control and giving it.
Being in control, however, is not truly partnering and participating in sharing love. It is actually being quite emotionally greedy if we hog all the giving, being self-righteously way too busy to RECEIVE.
Denying those we love the time and emotional space to give to us will throw our relationships out of balance.
Being open and gracious when it comes to RECEIVING compliments (verbal sunshine), affection, attention and gifts from others is vital in order to build and sustain our Emotional Fitness.
It is called humility.
However, if “being used” or “feeling exploited” for our generosity is a pattern in our past relationships this contributes to our reluctance to be open and willing to RECEIVE.
When we consistently insist on doing the “lion’s share” of giving in adult relationships, we compromise long-term emotional balance.
If we continue the habit of downplaying our worth and dismissing the giver’s gift, gesture or compliment they will stop trying to give to us eventually when we block their verbal sunshine every time.
Some of us keep choosing relationships with others who are most comfortable doing the “lion’s share” of the taking. Even though we become unhappy we are most familiar with the guilt-driven belief that we should be grateful to be needed.
Dysfunctional familiarity in relationships for some of us is less emotionally challenging than growth and change, which would require RECEIVING unfamiliar respect and genuine adoration.
Somewhere in our past we’ve may have subscribed to the belief that of ourselves we’re not enough and that the only reason others even tolerate us being in their lives is because of what we do and give them. We may be convinced that if we are not useful and if we do not have someone willing to “use” us we have no value, and nobody will need nor want us.
So let’s unsubscribe to that redundant belief here and now.
When we give up trying to become whole through others, only then do we become open to RECEIVING what we always hoped for from others, that is truly knowing we are enough and loveable when we are relaxed, feeling lazy and just being true to ourselves. Once we eventually surrender to allowing ourselves to RECEIVE a little more we commence to accept the world has gifts for us too.
It does feel uncomfortable at first, for me it emotionally stung, and I would wince and fight my first instinct to pull away. RECEIVING love and respect does for some of us feel wrong, it even hurts, like disinfectant on our heart’s long-neglected wounds, that’s because love does heal fear’s harsh wounds.
The lie many of us have been told is that RECEIVING is selfish and emotionally greedy. The fact is doing only one, all the giving or all the RECEIVING is what is actually greedy, yet the easiest. However, emotionally balancing the two is challenging requiring emotional maturity as we need to actively participate, not dominate or give in.
Once we become willing to RECEIVE we can then experience new relationships that no longer feel like a one-way street where we have to give up not only our time, talent, energy and cash, but also our most valuable asset, our self-respect.
If we give but don’t RECEIVE we deplete ourselves and move into unsustainable sacrifice mode, martyring then eventually losing ourselves.
If we don’t master RECEIVING in relationships, make room and acquire patience with others to give at their own pace in their own way, we equate giving with eventual loss, and always end up feeling used.
So from this moment forward, let’s remember a compliment is verbal sunshine. Take time and make emotional room to RECEIVE just a little more lovin’.
I’ll start the ball rollin’ by reminding you that even though I can’t see you right here, right now I am closing my eyes to drink you in and feel you, and the energy that I am RECEIVING is that your heart is open to learning new ways, which means it is brave and beautiful!
One last tip. If we can give with an open heart forgetting to keep score, and RECEIVE with an open heart remembering to count our blessings and not forget our relationships will flourish.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.