Does he LOVE ME? Does she LOVE ME NOT?
Questioning true love, hmmmm … most of us do wonder at certain times if the love in our life is a true love or not.
I remember when back the 1960s the childhood daisy-petal prediction game was a popular way to find answers to our heart’s questions about true love. As we pinched off each white daisy petal we asked Mother Nature if “He LOVES ME?” Then with the next petal we asked the opposing dreaded question, does “She LOVE ME NOT?” The sentence we finished on as we plucked the last petal answered whether our true love really, really loved us or loved us not. Question answered, problem solved. If you didn’t like Mother Nature’s answer you just kept picking daisies and plucking petals until you got the answer you were looking for!
In adult life I must confess when it comes to love I can still find myself questioning it, and I’m honestly surprised when “they LOVE ME”. Some don’t question it, they just live from an inner belief that “they LOVE ME” as their innate birthright and I admire that.
I am now married to a man who as a first-born has a strong sense of his worth. He likes himself and enjoys his own company immensely. He does this without conceit, it is genuine, as he really believes he is a likeable guy and he most definitely is. He reminds me of our gorgeous German Shepherd Max. Whenever anyone comes to our home Max is eager to welcome them. He looks like he actually smiles as his tail wags involuntarily with genuine joy. My third husband Mr Delicious is like that too. When he meets new people his big heart is open, he smiles instinctively and if he had a tail you would see it wagging with joy. He loves people and naturally assumes they will love him. It doesn’t occur to him they might not.
Me on the other hand, born as a middle child, I am reluctant to meet new people and when I do I absolutely understand if they don’t like, let alone LOVE ME. I actually expect disapproval and criticism and am often surprised and sometimes suspicious when it is not forthcoming.
Our family of origin is where we learn about our worth. In an ideal home when both parents are emotionally available the child learns that they are loveable to both genders no matter what.
However, if parents die, or are physically present but emotionally unavailable or perhaps they do physically leave, some children are then placed in the role of “hero” child. They become the savior, the well-behaved helpful child. As adults these children can make great leaders and have a robust sense of their place in the world. More often than not they feel entitled to at least be listened to above others. Quite often it is the oldest, or the most eager to please among the children, they are then told they are in charge.
Once “The Hero” child position has been filled in fractured homes, remaining children sometimes fall into the role of “The Lost Child” or “The Scapegoat”. Those that have become “The Scapegoat” within their families as children often grow into adults like me believing that when it comes to others in life “they LOVE ME NOT”.
However, the most important question we need to ask ourselves in all our relationships is not if …
“They LOVE ME” or if They LOVE ME NOT “ but is …
“Do I LOVE ME, or do I LOVE ME NOT?”
If we don’t like the adult we’ve become, it’s hard to like let alone love ourselves.
So let us review on the areas of ourselves that we perhaps don’t LOVE SO MUCH, and do something about it. Now. Yes, once and for all, let’s do this. Let’s make the changes we know will make such a difference to our self-respect and peace of mind.
If we LOVE OURSELVES NOT, it makes it so very difficult to receive love from another. We won’t believe it. If we’re not convinced we are love worthy from the inside out, any love from the outside in won’t penetrate our heart. The key to our heart’s, our worth, our self-respect opens from the inside. It all starts with us being more lovable, compassionate, emotionally attentive and committed to taking bloody good care of ourselves. Not neglecting the things in life that matter to us. Our health (food, booze, drugs, exercise), our emotional wellbeing (therapy, meditation, prayer), our financial responsibility, our parental credibility, our intimacy availability.
If we wouldn’t choose ourselves as models of good health, partners in emotional responsibility, financial stability, parental credibility and as a fun, receptive, intimate lover, why would we believe anyone else would long term?
So the daisy game, do they LOVE ME, do they LOVE ME NOT would be more helpful if the questions were tinkered with just a little more. Instead we could ask …
“Do I LOVE ME, and what parts of myself am I tickled pink with?”
“Do I LOVE ME NOT and what parts of myself am I now willing to work on changing?”
I have been playing this little game with myself since 1995 and am making good progress, one day at a time. Why not give it a try? How much love that shows up in our lives is the result of the quality of relationship we are privately having with ourselves. LOVE creation is an inside job.
As Paul McCartney put it so beautifully …
“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2017 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift for another just click on the shop tab to place your order. Happy shopping x