“A lack of TRANSPARENCY results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.”
The Dalai Lama sure knows his shit when it comes to keeping Emotionally Fit.
We are only as sick as the secrets we keep. So the cure to much human sickness in my view is emotional TRANSPARENCY.
When we hide in secrets we neglect our truth and feed ourselves on toxic fear. When we’re TRANSPARENT it’s a freeing act of loving self-care, for we all desire to be known and loved warts and all. However, if we don’t trust ourselves to not emotionally abandon ourselves when we have made a decision we feel shame about, then being TRANSPARENT will seem horrifying.
When I first “came out” as a recovering addict and trauma survivor in print and in media in 1995 a few girlfriends expressed their concerns about my tell all, no holes barred approach. My first book A Helping Hand with Life was published in 2000 and hit the top 10 bestsellers list and was in bookstores nationally. For some of them it was horrifying.
For me it was freeing.
Emotional TRANSPARENCY is only dangerous if we do it for the approval of others. It is only freeing if we do it for ourselves. When we have made peace with ourselves and do it as a heartfelt desire to be unshackled from our private inner paranoias and fears, only then do we become free of shame.
If we choose to live an authentic life, it is advised that rigorous honesty becomes a lifestyle habit. Authenticity requires a genuine willingness to be vulnerable and TRANSPARENT. Without it we will have no personal integrity. It takes an Emotionally Fit heart to sustain balance between the intimacies of authentic vulnerability coupled with healthy personal boundaries. To gift ourselves with the emotional freedom to move in either direction intentionally while keeping our self-respect intact takes great practice.
I am still learning and get homework on this skill regularly. I am pleased to report I’m happy most of the time with how I carry myself if I discover someone I trusted has not been transparent and trustworthy. When we are betrayed or perhaps hear unkind gossip being said about us, accepting we cannot change others, only ourselves and whom we choose to keep in our intimate orbit, is actually empowering. I have faced a few challenging emotional situations that really hurt my heart, however, I endured it without shaming myself or anyone else. Bloody hard work though.
I then have to remember it’s up to me to make a change, that’s the only thing I can control, and make sure I don’t put my heart back in that social situation again. Lesson learnt!
It is said that the person who can keep a secret may be wise, however, they are not half as wise as the person who has no secrets to keep.
So let’s be mindful in future to relax into being ourselves just a little more every day. It is wonderful to free ourselves from the paranoia and emotionally dangerous habit of hurtful gossiping, secrecy and shame.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx