Mean – Cynthia Morton

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wiser people are so full of self doubt.”

I have found Bertrand Russell’s wisdom to be true, so very often

It is one thing to have self-doubt. Most of us that seek to learn how to continue evolving into better versions of ourselves will wonder and often doubt ourselves and others. To question as we learn is a healthy and humble path to tread. But being MEAN to ourselves as we doubt, now that can do real damage over the passage of time.

So I invite you to check your emotional pulse and see if the MEAN virus is infecting your inner world. Here’s five mini Emotional Fitness workouts for you to consider, honestly answer for yourself, then perhaps start to change if you don’t want to continue any unhealthy emotional habits …

Do you consistently downplay your intelligence, financial resilience, beauty, physical fitness, emotional fitness and capabilities in general, in order to help others who don’t work as hard on self-improvement feel more comfortable

Do you deflect and or reject compliments?

When you stuff up, become awkward or embarrassed offer yourself the same kind words you would offer someone you love?

Do you discipline (loving self preservation) or punish (ego driven deprivation) yourself to reach your goals?

Do you secretly dream of being someone else rejecting your own gifts and talents?

When we cease being MEAN towards ourselves the self inflicted inner wounds caused by the sword of verbal abuse start to gradually heal. Over time if we replace our MEAN words with kind words, emotional scar tissue forms and we become Emotionally Fitter and less fragile. The beauty of emotionally immunizing against the internal MEAN virus with injections of kindness means we eventually become immune to external MEANNESS. Others can neither complete nor devastate us with their comments for our relationship with ourselves offers a reliable inner loyalty and resilience.

I personally hear through the grapevine from time to time some very MEAN gossip about myself and my approach to life, as many of us do. As Winston Churchill wisely reminds us

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

If we are going to live an authentic life we at some time will need to leave “the pack mentality” and think, love and live out aloud for ourselves. Those too afraid to do so often use emotionally immature MEAN dialogue to try and shame us into conformity or punish us for leaving their pack. There are MEAN girls and boys (in their 30’s, 40’s 50’s 60’s and yes even 70’s) that are still locked in that gang mentality of adolescence. The Buddhists remind us that our MEANEST enemies are more useful than our friends at times, for they necessitate we create self-loyalty, compassion and patience.

Once we commit to replacing our own MEAN private self talk with kindness and self-compassion being who we are becomes more enjoyable again. The ultimate currency (I know, I know I say it over and over because we’ve all got to remember it), the ultimate currency in this big life is … self respect. Respecting our differences and embracing our authentic selves is our life’s biggest and longest assignment.

How are you going with your life assignment?

In the privacy of your own mind are you a MEANY or a calm and kind friend to yourself?

Kurt Cobain wrote out much of his internal MEANNESS in his lyrics and many of us sang along, because we understood intimately his inner torment. We are all looking for Nirvana and the journey starts in our quiet moments with ourselves

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are” …. Kurt Cobain

Lotsa love Cynthia xxx

Image Source: Mean Girls