When people say to us in a disapproving tone…
“You’ve CHANGED” …
What they are really saying is that we have stopped living our life their way. And they are uncomfortable about it because we have just mirrored a beautiful truth to them and that is …
It is never too late to CHANGE for the better!
Now we have gotta be prepared also to hear that age-old criticism from the emotionally stunted sceptics hoping our healthy CHANGES don’t last. They will mutter behind our backs…
“A leopard never changes its spots” …
I’ve personally heard this said about me by many people, many times since 1995 when I first put drugs and alcohol down, left my marriage and started to make many, many CHANGES that felt healthier for me.
Now I agree, as a leopard/addict my biology won’t change, like a diabetic it is a part of my DNA. However, a leopard cub or an adolescent leopard is quite a different creature to a fully matured adult leopard. Over time a fully grown leopard learns and changes its model of living day-by-day as it masters superior life skills. As do we.
If we are still breathing no matter what our past mistakes or DNA we can always start again.
Yes, CHANGING from a disempowered childish adolescent who bitches, whines, gossips and complains about life not being fair into a mature adult is very emotionally demanding and character building. Some never do it and remain powerless victims into their 60s and 70s expecting everyone else to look after them and take responsibility for their unhappiness.
Healthy CHANGE is not easy nor for the faint-hearted.
We get more positive attention and support from the sceptics if we make unhealthy CHANGES. The unhappy love it when we get drunk, high, put on weight, are broke and single. The emotionally immature adult feels better about themselves when their fearful theories are validated.
I have clients now only just starting to make healthy changes and enter the rite of passage (they skipped in adolescence) from victim child into empowered responsibly mature adult life.
It is never to late to CHANGE, to learn and to be the very best versions of ourselves as possible.
The two biggest reasons that any of us CHANGE is that we’ve either learnt a lot and are applying it, or we’ve just been hurt too much by being unwilling to CHANGE in our past.
So when it comes to the whole subject of CHANGE it is important not to underestimate our own capacity to implement wonderful CHANGES in our own lives and lead by example. By living the life of our dreams we cannot overestimate our capacity to help others find the courage to make healthy CHANGES too.
Whether the CHANGES you have dreamt of making involve …
1. Learning to live and be happy (most of the time) clean and sober like me
2. Losing or gaining some weight
3. Managing finances better
4. Improving sexual intimacy
5. Finding or leaving a partner
6. Or being the best parent you can be, they are all about the same issue…
Increasing self-respect, self-care and self-love. All admirable pursuits, however, CHANGE is never easy for any of us.
There will always be those emotionally immature adolescent leopards that will gossip about us and criticise us as we gain more self-respect. But they will do it behind our backs to the rest of the pack. They will not have the courage to honour us and say it to our face. As we lacked courage as adolescents to respectfully confront an adult.
I have learnt that self-respect in life is the ultimate currency. And it is exhaustingly demanding hard work, truly the “road less travelled.” We cannot buy respect, it must be earnt. It is only gained through living with integrity, a heartfelt commitment to believing in hope and remembering we are all worthy of love. Especially worthy of our own love, that is the hardest love to earn and sustain. Self-love and self-respect is the same thing.
We fight throughout adult life to hold on to love and we fight to let go of fear.
CHANGE is bloody hard, but so damned worthwhile.
Let’s not let other’s fears and emotional immaturity prevent us from making beautiful CHANGES to our lives any more.
Yes, I am still a leopard/addict/alcoholic as the sceptics predicted. My spots are still with me, thank God. And yes, I am still working every day on my self-improvement, continuing to strive for healthy CHANGE in every area of my life.
I love this ancient Chinese proverb about CHANGE …
“When the winds of CHANGE blow, some people build walls, others build windmills.”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
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