Socialising

Some people love it …

Other’s like myself find too much of it draining, especially without the social lubricant and anesthetic assistance of alcohol.

I have confessed many times throughout my posts that I am an unapologetic introvert. Us introverts just need more alone time and far less time SOCIALISING than extroverts. That does not mean we want to be alone all the time. We crave true intimacy but only really look to SOCIALISE with a small and trusted group of loved ones. Us introverts like people as much as extroverts do. The difference is that we take a quality over quantity approach to SOCIALISING. We prefer intimate gatherings to large parties and one on one conversation to group discussions.

One of the upsides of being in a relationship with us introverts is that we are fiercely loyal to the few people we love and consider true friends. The downside is that we can never keep up with an extrovert’s desire to SOCIALISE.

Mr. Delicious is a healthy extrovert, loves a chat with anyone, anywhere, anytime about anything. He is like a friendly dog always with a waggly tail, willing and always happy to engage. It is a big part of what I adore about him and find so charming.

Me on the other hand, as his wife, I hide behind bushes in our front yard when watering the garden at dusk if a neighbour appears unexpectedly in their yard. Don’t get me wrong, our neighbours are lovely, I am just not that interested in pretending I want to engage in small talk, I will do anything to avoid it.

So I just wanted to unpack this dreaded word for the introverts that struggle with SOCIALISING like I do, to let them know their not alone, and to maybe enlighten some extroverts that perhaps don’t get it.

In Western society too often extroverts are more often championed, who gear more towards conversation and activity. Too often us introverts do become marginalised for our perceived lack of SOCIAL skills. The truth is that introverts do not lack SOCIALISING skills. We simply get our energy from being alone rather than from being with other people. This trait of ours is too often confused with shyness and a lack of confidence and nothing is further from the truth. I remember reading about Billy Connoley who is larger than life on stage, but also confesses to being a social introvert who also craves to be quiet in his private world.

Extroverts, god love ’em, sometimes do have a difficult time discovering this distinction. Because of their shorter conversational attention spans and inability to be alone for extended periods of time, without explanation they can take our reluctance to SOCIALISE personally. They may ask an introvert to dinner and struggle to understand why we would rather stay home alone in our P.J’s and read than SOCIALISE. Or perhaps they may balk at an introvert’s request to leave a party after only a short time, not getting that the introvert cannot take much more mindless chatter.

We introverts fight battles constantly, especially us sober ones. We simply require time alone everyday to recharge and recollect. We fight the stereotypes branded on us, wishing for nothing more than understanding for often our reluctance to SOCIALISE leads extroverts to believe that we introverts are arrogant, detached, or self-absorbed. This misconception is probably due to our dread of (what seems to us) pointless small talk.

For me anyway, before I enter an unknown social circus, I have to mentally ready myself for an unknown amount of hyper-interaction. I try not to be a recluse because I am so in love with an adorable extrovert, but sometimes my social battery runs out and irritation quickly sets in.

So my hope is that I am able to shed some “food for feeling” if SOCIALISING sometimes becomes an issue in your world too.

Lotsa love Cynthia xxx