Space

We all have a certain amount of physical SPACE we prefer.

Close talkers are a non-issue for some, but for others we will keep stepping back if someone invades our personal physical SPACE.

However when it comes to those we love, too much physical SPACE for too long, can become hard on our heart. Intimate human touch and the physical dance of closeness are tenderly sacred and take time to learn with those we hold nearest and dearest.

Emotional SPACE is also a dance we each have our own preferences with that takes time to learn then master.

The book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus discuss issues of emotional SPACE. It infers males need more and different amounts of emotional SPACE than women. It suggests that males need to be able to retreat into their emotional cave. I respect the author Dr. John Gray immensely. Some of the points he makes about the differences in how each gender processes emotions I absolutely agree with. However, as an unapologetic and confident introvert, I am the female cave dweller in our relationship.

I truly believe that how much emotional SPACE we require has less to do with our gender and more to do with our personal character. Many introverted females like myself crave time in their physical and emotional cave as I do. And it must be said that many extroverted females also crave at times to just be left alone in peace and quiet where nobody asks for anything from them.

As an introvert requiring quiet time to myself in my cave, or as I like to call it, my Queendom, is not because I don’t like intimate closeness as I love my hubby dearly; but because emotional SPACE and time in delicious solitude is how I, and many females emotionally recharge and sustain our emotional health and wellbeing.

My husband and I have perfected our dance of emotional and physical SPACE in everyday life at home after being together since 2003.

However in our earlier years we have trodden on each other’s toes a little on long holidays. For example on holidays spending 24/7 with any person consistently in confined SPACES like hotel rooms, hire cars and planes is a challenge for any emotional cave dweller that requires regular blocks of time and SPACE alone to remain in balance.

So the question about how well we manage and partner in the dance of personal SPACE spikes my interest. In current or past relationships, how did the dance go for you, or how well is it going now?

I know myself in past relationships I communicated very poorly my need for time and SPACE alone. I pretended to be more extroverted than I really was, feeling ashamed and flawed for being an introvert. Still today many parents and people in society champion the extroverts social skills as being superior, and the introvert as being incompetent. This is so very damaging, ill informed and disrespectful of the gifts the introverted character brings to our world. I used to use chemicals, booze, drugs and chain-smoke cigarettes so that I could emotionally disconnect and go into my cave and have SPACE, whilst being physically present in social situations. This behaviour has a use by date.

The extrovert tires of an emotionally unavailable partner and the introvert tires and emotionally burns out. I left previous relationships and marriages on burnout from substance abuse and emotional overwhelm.

So if emotional SPACE has been an issue or still is, remembering to not make either the introvert or the extrovert wrong is the vital key.

The beauty in having the challenging discussions about emotional and physical SPACE is that the dance steps we learn as a result, once mastered with practice and humour are so very sacred and beautiful.

So one last reminder, a great relationship is really about mastering two key dance moves. The first is in appreciating the shared similarities and …The second step is a little trickier; it is about respecting and honouring the differences in each other’s character.

Love is a dance that we all learn as we go, sometimes we have gotta take the lead and sometimes we must be willing to follow. Let’s ensure we are willing to take turns and gently learn from and about each other?

Lotsa Love Cynthia xxx