Struggle

STRUGGLE is a sure sign that we are wrestling with change.

I have known a great deal of struggle in my life, maybe you have too.

I have made some mega changes, that is why.

However I have come to be less afraid of what is going on for me when I am in the midst of a phase of STRUGGLE.

I used to make myself wrong anytime I was not being contented and peaceful.

It is unhealthy to expect ourselves to remain in a state of perpetual peace and acceptance 24/7, unless you are a saint.

I personally find inner peace a lot easier to sustain when I am single, not in mother mode and out of my biological families emotional reach too. But add a relationship and parenting into the mix, and STRUGGLE usually presents itself sooner or later.

I remember when my sons became ready to leave the nest in their late teens, live with mates and have holidays independently I STRUGGLED with that healthy change immensely. I still call my sons big chicken and little chicken, and these days they are both more like proud roosters to the outside world, but to me they will always be my darling chickens. I grieved and STRUGGLED for quite a while in my empty nest.

Back in the 90’s (early in my recovery) when biological family members would drunkenly pull me close to them in a semi headlock with their glass of wine in hand under my nose slurring that they loved me, I STRUGGLED. Again I needed to create healthy change and address my alcoholism, and stay sober within a family that denies its alcoholic history.

And these days, when my husband consistently wants to love and spoil me with extravagance and luxury, I still internally STRUGGLE. No I am not trying to sound like a pain in the arse, ungrateful woman here.

In my childhood gifts were given to me to silence me when violence and sexual abuse occurred, leaving me in upsetting emotional debt, unable to enjoy any gift. So it is sometimes still a STRUGGLE to make that healthy emotional change too.

Often I comfort myself if I am STRUGGLING with STRUGGLE by visualising a little chicken breaking out of its shell. Without STRUGGLE, restlessness, frustration and effort to change, the little chicken will know no freedom outside its shell and die.

STRUGGLE and surrender are happily married I have come to understand and respect that universal law. They belong together so we need to befriend both if we choose growth and healthy change in our lives.

The STRUGGLES with my sons leaving the nest, me leaving my biological tribe in alcoholic denial and accepting my husband’s love and generous spirit helped me eventually arrive at a place of sweet surrender in my heart.

So if you or someone you care about is currently in the midst of STRUGGLE, they are growing.

We would all cheer on a little chicken fighting its way out of its shell without shame or judgment, wouldn’t we?

So let’s remember to extend that same support to ourselves and others when STRUGGLE arises, because it means if they stay focused on working for that healthy change. Sweet surrender is on her way too!

Lotsa love Cynthia xxx

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