Some of us do AGGRESSIVELY roar at those we love from time to time.
Mostly it’s when we have just had a gutful of life! If we feel overwhelmed we may take it out on those closest to us.
When AGGRESSIVE behaviour arises it’s constructive to remember it’s confidence homework time for all parties involved in the situation.
Those unskilled at calmly and respectfully asserting themselves are struggling with self-control and the ability to be calm and assertive as they stay true to themselves.
When we are AGGRESSIVE it is a fear-fuelled attempt to control others when we have lost self-confidence and self-control.
If you like me were bought up in a violent or AGGRESSIVELY abusive home there will be heart-wounding that requires healing around this issue.
In adult life if we do not ask for help and do our emotional homework, we will either conform or rebel against the emotional dysfunction we were exposed to in childhood.
Either option keeps us enslaved to the behaviour and our past.
If we choose to conform and become an AGGRESSOR we become the very person that wounded us to others.
If we choose to rebel by becoming passive we lose our personal power as we inevitably emotionally disconnect from the relationship.
When we’re passive we shame ourselves for not agreeing.
When we’re AGGRESSIVE we shame others for not agreeing.
AGGRESSION is a reminder that more work is required at a deeper level around conflict resolution.
When we hit deeper levels of intimacy or any new emotional territory, we often revert back to our old familiar ways of fight/AGGRESSION or flight/passive.
Some of us can master both at once and become PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE! Double dysfunction, now there is a sure-fire way to fuck up a relationship.
So let’s become willing to do our confidence homework and calmly assert ourselves if we conflict arises.
However, if you’ve become lost because you’re in new emotional territory unsafe, out of emotional fuel and unsure like I often am, please allow yourself to ask for help.
If you are choosing to live the life of your dreams you will hit new emotional territory often and will encounter your’s or other’s AGGRESSION along the way.
Calm assertion is our solution, but it takes for some of us a lifetime to master.
When we become willing to do our emotional homework our heart starts to heal as we become fuelled with more self-love. We’re then able to confidently honour differences of opinion without shaming ourselves or another.
AGGRESSIVE people (including ourselves) calm down more readily when we respond with love calmly.
If we meet an AGGRESSIVE person with AGGRESSION or passive behaviour it just adds petrol to the fear fire and inflames the situation. Calm confidence offers cooling water to a wounded and AGGRESSIVE heart instead …
So when AGGRESSION presents itself in our future let’s resist shame and blame and focus on healing ourselves and asking for help if we need it.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.