BLAMING others and ourselves when things stuff up is a street us non-saints go down from time to time.
People do hurtful insensitive things to others and are responsible for it.
However people also do hurtful insensitive things towards themselves too and are equally responsible. When we are privately abusive towards ourselves, consistently we live in a state of internally inflicted emotional domestic violence. It is a living nightmare.
BLAMING ourselves and others without making any healthy changes, and creating new boundaries of self-care is just a dead end street. There is nothing down there for us.
I used to live in BLAME street for many years, and still must confess when I’m tired and overwhelmed I’m tempted to go back and visit still from time to time. Instead I redirect myself and head over to BLESSINGS Boulevard, it is so much lovelier there.
When we begin to heal from past hurts and wrongs we are pissed off with others, ourselves, love, perhaps God or just life in general BLAME is often the place where we start.
Who got what wrong when? We need to find out and understand if we can. However sometimes there is no logic and tormenting ourselves with the dead end question of “why” just makes us bitter residents who live on BLAME Street. Many of us go down this street in life but my advice is to do a U-turn at the dead end and go back, and ask for help. Do not move into BLAME Street, and make it your permanent address when facing yourself and life like I did.
BLAME, shame and bitterness are fed on empty “whys”. No answers, no resolution just repetitive pain that stunts emotional growth.
Why are some children born into abusive homes when others are not?
Why are some people born athletes and others invalids?
Why do some inherit an addictive gene and others don’t?
We can find reasons to try to BLAME someone or something, but it does not change the realities many of us still have to face.
We get bitter in this life as we age, or we make some changes and get better.
We BLAME or we BLESS, it is a simple as that. Simple yes. Easy? No.
We don’t necessarily have to be religious to believe in the art of BLESSING. In simple terms BLESSING is all about opening up to healing, protection and love. Wounded hearts need to feel safe to do this.
My suggestion if you are not a religious person therefore seeking a trusted minister is not something you are comfortable with, is to start researching your options. Healers come in many forms. Some are psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, mystics, recovery sponsors, teachers, loyal friends and writers. There are many ways to the waterfall where our hearts can access the BLESSING of healing.
In a nutshell, the buck stops with you and me.
In 1995 I chose to move out of BLAME Street as an active addict and get clean and sober. As a single mum on the pension I began to work with a therapist on my childhood wounding healing the damage done by years of violence and sexual abuse. I have no desire to return to that dead end life in BLAME Street.
If we choose to stay in the dead end street of BLAME life becomes bitterer over time. The exciting alternative is that if we choose to U turn in BLAME street and find our way to our own BLESSING Boulevard, we exchange bitterness for betterness.
I do a great deal of public speaking on the topic of domestic violence. Not just from the viewpoint of being a child that grew up with two male perpetrators and a female elder that looked on and did nothing. I also speak about domestic violence that is perpetrated by women towards young boys year in, year out and by women towards grown men who cower in shame and say nothing, year in year out. And then there is the most insidious form of domestic violence and that is the continued act of verbal abuse inflicted on oneself even if we live alone, year in year out. So many people out of dysfunctional emotional loyalty stay true to the script handed to them in childhood or an intimate relationship long after they have left home or the lover. Self administered BLAME and SHAME is an area that needs delicate attention as so many amongst us suffer in silence unaware that they can heal and learn how to emotionally self care, instead of self punish.
When we BLESS instead of BLAME the best is yet to come for us all. It is worth making the move from a living nightmare, into living our dreams.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
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