Those of us inexperienced at following our bliss hang onto our DENIAL instead for dear life.
DENIAL protects open-heart wounds effectively like a bandage.
DENIAL enables many of us to survive when following our bliss with an open and trusting heart has never been taught and just seems overwhelming dangerous. Those of us still clinging to our DENIAL are not being cowardly nor deceitful we are simply trying to survive with the only emotional tools we have.
We need help not ridicule to gradually learn to really comprehend how our DENIAL works.
When you ask a goldfish in a bowl ….
“How’s the water?”
The little goldfish is likely to respond with …
DENIAL becomes a way of life we do not realise we are often in; we are too immersed in our familiar behaviour like an innocent goldfish to sometimes even see it.
Yes it may seem we are lying to ourselves to others, but we are often naive to our own lack of self-awareness.
I love the acronym that explains this often misunderstood and harshly judged word D.E.N.I.A.L.
D for DIDN’T
E for EVEN,
N for KNOW
I for IT”S
A for A
L for LIE.
I personally did not even know I was lying to myself throughout my 19 years of active drug and alcohol addiction. I would often reassure myself and others with the statement …
“I could stop if I wanted to, I just don’t want to” … and that was my truth at the time … denying I was actually an addict, because addicts were much worse than me in my mind.
I was simply DENYING my hearts voice, muting myself by using the powerful sociably acceptable anesthetic we know as alcohol, which contains the sedative (ethanol). Pure ethanol alone will knock a human being out completely.
When our heart is severely traumatised as mine and many of my Emotional Fitness clients have been over the years through violence, abuse, family breakdown via divorce, death or infidelities resulting in emotional neglect it knocks us to our emotional knees. People who live with trauma really have been emotionally immersed in the “School of Heart Knocks”.
A child or adolescent that does not get emotional support once experiencing traumatic emotional blows to their heart, will therefore have to learn to suck it up, numb it off and pretend, yes DENY they are in pain.
In adolescence the traumatised heart learns to live comfortably numb medicating with substances, self harm through cutting, burning, excessive piercing and tattooing and eating disorders. Some of the walking wounded develop OCD’s (obsessive compulsive disorders) or weapons of mass distraction i.e. promiscuity, perfectionism with study, computer abuse, drug and alcohol misuse. These adolescents then grow into adults that continue to live in a state of emotional DENIAL.
High achievers are often at risk of emotional bankruptcy in midlife if they are not given tools to help activate their hearts voice.
DENIAL has a use by date, but too many die as their tired body gives out due to the heavy wear and tear of consistent anesthetics (Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Elvis etc. etc.)
Approximately 10% of the population, the active alcoholic/addicts like I used to be back in 1995, that are yet to come out of the haze of their DENIAL. My heart truly goes out to those still in DENIAL of their emotionally distractive behaviours. It is such a scary and shitful place to be swimming barely surviving in your own DENIAL.
So let us remember to view those poisoning themselves in their own goldfish bowl of DENIAL with a little more compassion and respect not ridicule their already fragile heart?
As we slowly remove old bandages of DENIAL from our tired hearts wounds we require support not attack from ourselves and others!
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™