“You don’t have to DISRESPECT and insult others simply to hold your own ground. If you do, that shows how shaky your position is.”
Never a truer word was spoken, thank you Red Haircrow for your wisdom.
A few years ago I had a friend of my biological tribe post a disrespectful rant about me on social media after I had posted a piece on “Struggle”. The piece that upset her features in my forthcoming book actually.
Understandably she was a loyal friend to those in my biological tribe that still protect one of my childhood abusers even though he’s now deceased. She was not a Facebook friend of mine but posted on my page regardless. However it was interesting for me to feel mostly compassion for her confusion whereas years ago I would have been devastated by her public display of DISRESPECT.
Instead of my ego wanting to pick up my verbal sword and DISRESPECT her right back, here is the response my heart posted to her …
“Hi Jan, I’ve read your message and understand your confusion. In many families abuse occurs right under the nose of other family members. I am sure as far as some of my biological family members are still concerned I am still a liar and it did not happen.
However since 1995 when I first stopped keeping family secrets, other members of my biological tribe who observed all the dysfunction during my childhood years have applauded me for finally speaking out. I respect the opinion of those who still choose to disbelieve me and DISRESPECT me, because their truth from where they stood in our family unit is the only thing that makes sense to them. Unfortunately Jan as unpleasant as it is for everyone to digest, sexual abuse and physical violence did happen to me. Frequently for many years with two male elders. Family members that deny they saw any sexual abuse are absolutely correct. Nobody would have seen anything. It happens in secret obviously. Anyone in the same room would not see the perpetrators hands under my bed covers in the dark from the other side of the room, or the many years of private sexual violation that occurred in secrecy. Denial of sexual abuse is a natural reflex for most. It is unthinkable that a trusted adult would ever do that. But they do.
Trusted public figures get away with these crimes for years, until the children grow up and find the courage to speak up as I have. Survivors of abuse like myself have to accept when we “come out” we will always be called liars and shamed by those closest to the perpetrator that love him or her. Of course my family prefer for me to be a liar than the man they adored to be a pedophile. I understand that and forgive them for their misunderstanding, as I forgive you too dear Jan.
I hope life is treating you well. As you have made your question public on my Facebook page (I’m not sure if you did it with my biological families consent though) I will now be posting my response to you direct to my Facebook page. I hope this answers your questions Jan. Take care.”
As we mature it is vital for our emotional health and wellbeing that we become strong enough to honour our truth. All of it. Especially our inconvenient truths that our ego would prefer to deny and ignore. Accepting who we are and who we are not at a heart level means the requirement for acceptance, approval and validation from others diminishes. This is real freedom. When we can respect those who DISRESPECT our heart wins out over our ego. This is robust Emotional Fitness in action.
How are you managing with those who DISRESPECT you? Do you allow them to bring yourself down to their level, or are you able to preserve your integrity and respond with humanitarian respect?
As Alice Miller reminds us ….
“DISRESPECT is the weapon of the weak”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™