Is FLIRTING really hurting anyone?  

When we’re single it’s fun and harmless.  

However, if we are in a committed relationship it is important that both parties have a discussion that leads to a mutual agreement about how they really feel about FLIRTING.  

We all have our own definition of FLIRTING, what is harmless and what is dangerous.  So today’s Word Vitamin is an invitation to check in if you are in a relationship that you and your loved one have defined what FLIRTING is and what its not, and have a respectful understanding in place.  

The organic definition of FLIRTING is when one playfully makes romantic or sexual overtures or deals playfully, triflingly, or superficially with another.  

It is said that if we wouldn’t do the behaviour if our significant other were also in the room, it is probably FLIRTING.  And if that is the case we are probably hurting our sacred committed relationship by FLIRTING with danger. 

I have listed below the top five red flags to consider if there is any confusion that has arisen from this subject of FLIRTING as indicators as to when we have entered the FLIRTING danger zone. 

1. When it’s secretive.   So if you are deleting your emails, texts or hiding when you take phone calls you are FLIRTING with danger by being emotionally unfaithful.  

2. If your FLIRTING has a sexual agenda and communications consist of subtle sexual overtones and it feels like verbal foreplay you are in dangerous waters.  

3. If you are spending more time talking to them even if the content is not sexual, than to your lover.  This is an unhealthy balance as the FLIRTING has become too intimate. 

4. If we are consistently rationalizing with the line “He/she is just a friend.” This is a statement that we don’t say to ourself or our lover when we’re involved in innocent communication. We don’t feel the need to justify a very safe friendship, as it’s obvious to us and to our partner that the companionship is completely appropriate. However, we may very well be investing in an unsafe friendship if we are constantly wrestling with guilt or feel the need to rationalize.  If our partner doesn’t like the connection that needs to be addressed first then honoured.  

5. It’s dangerous FLIRTING if it is meeting our personal emotional needs.  If we’re getting our intimacy needs met in an online relationship or with a co-worker or friend with whom we playfully banter, we need to stop to ask ourselves why. 

We need to be especially careful if we’re sharing intimate sentiments with that person that we don’t share with our lover, or if we talk about our marriage or our lover.  It is so disrespectful to share intimate details about our marriage or our lover, and especially in a disrespectful manner.  Imagine that our lover overheard our entire conversation. 

Would we still say it?  

Are we being emotionally transparent?  

These are the top five areas I explore with my Emotional Fitness clients who have struggled with confusion about the issue of FLIRTING.  So I hope I have offered some constructive food for feeling.

Let us remember that FLIRTING is the most fun and deliciously dangerous when done with the one we love!

Lotsa love Cynthia xxx

Cynthia Morton

Managing Director

Cynthia Morton is a bestselling Author, Blogger, Speaker and Founder of the multi award winning Emotional Fitness Program.