Enduring HARD, private, emotional times in our internal world is always a challenge.
It’s something we do alone regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not. It needs to be that way because our stuff, our dirtywashing to take care of. Some of us can get reliant for a time on “sending it to a laundry”, getting others to do our HARD emotional work for us.
Its’ the spoilt childish “blame and dump” approach. The ol’ …
“I wouldn’t have all this washing to do if it wasn’t for you, so you do it” stance.
This approach has a “use by date” though. Others will tire of carrying someone else’s load and eventually drop their bundle and say …
“Do it yourself.”
Or there’s the opposite approach, which used to be my favoured emotional dirty laundry habit. It’s to let it build up. To throw any HARD emotions like we throw dirty washing into a spare room in our heart that we’re not using, then shut and bolt the door. That works too, for a while. It’s the ol’ emotional adolescent approach …
“If I ignore it, deny it exists and tell everyone I’m fine, it’ll go away” stance.
Yep, this one has a “use by” date too! Others in our life will also tire of this approach as we remain emotionally inaccessible. We hold back, shut them out and we don’t fully commit wholeheartedly because a part of our heart is bolted shut.
I’ve required a great deal of consistent help from emotional laundry professionals over the years (my therapists and elders) in learning how to sort my washing. I needed to learn the basics of being an emotionally responsible adult. How much emotion to process at once in one load so I don’t overload or overwhelm myself. I’ve needed to learn what the best products are to use to get the best results.
Tears, laughter, journaling, therapy and surrendering to love rather than fighting fears works miracles. Learning how to take care of our own emotional laundry is HARD adult work. Saying sorry, speaking up and shutting up with love and respect for ourselves and others throughout our entire lifetime requires great discipline and skill.
If we dump our laundry on others, or in our heart’s spare room, our midlife will be a crises, not a celebration.
Because that spare room in our heart that doesn’t seem to being used for anything in our younger years isn’t a room at all. At midlife we discover it’s a hallway we’ll need to get through. It is our “rite of passage” passageway into responsible adulthood, eldership and the grander years. If we dump on others focusing on our external relationships we remain confused and disappointed in adult life, as we’re unaware this sacred passageway even exists.
Or, if we dump our years of HARD emotional laundry in this passageway, we’ll need to clear it before we can make our journey into the abundant, grand years of eldership and emotional wealth.
Some of us don’t want to do the HARD work though once we discover this internal door and walk into this dirty laundry-laden room. Many adults remain emotionally stunted; sit on the floor looking at the pile of their own laundry in this passageway and give up.
They throw in one last emotionally dirty towel in defeat.
Unless we choose to do the HARD yards and work at our Emotional Fitness we’ll never discover our heart’s fortune, we’ll only know misfortune in our older years.
Those who’ve given up, we’ll hear them complain that when it comes to love and life …
“It’s just all too HARD.”
Sometimes it really is too bloody hard to do alone. My childhood laundry sure was. That’s when we need to be willing to ask for help to get someone to teach us how to do it for ourselves.
HARD emotional times exist for us all, like the birthing process. HARDSHIP is always a vital component in any tribal rite of passage into the next level of maturity in life. It’s messy, but necessary.
So let’s review our dirty laundry habits and how we take care of our HARD emotional washing?
HARD times do often feel like we are inside of the actual washing machine. They twist, turn and knock us around; we get drenched, tangled, turned upside down and inside out. Bloody hell, it’s so damned HARD to endure at times. But when we don’t throw in the towel, but do the HARD work, we come out emotionally cleaner, clearer and refreshed, with a future far brighter than what we had before.
Let’s ensure our “rite of passageway” into emotional adult life is clear of past dirty laundry so that our midlife years aren’t a crises, but a celebration?
Jim Rohn reminds us of the age-old truth …
“If you work HARD on your job you can make a living, if you work HARD on yourself, you can make a fortune.”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.