We all HURT ourselves and others emotionally from time to time.
How we HURT others signposts how we HURT ourselves too, but may not yet be aware of.
Maybe we criticise or ignore, yell, sulk or slam doors?
Cranky behaviour like this does not indicate where we are bad, but where and how our heart has been wounded.
HURT people are the ones that HURT people, for what is happening in our outer world mirrors our inner truth.
I know in my life the times I’ve been the most HURTFUL to others aligns with those times I’ve been HURTING myself by denying my pain.
What comes flooding back to mind for me is those times when I was HURTFUL, abrasive and intolerant to my darling boys.
They are gorgeous men now, but when I was in active addiction back in 1995 they were still little.
I was in so much denial about all the HURT I had endured and also self-inflicted through years of emotional neglect that keeping others away was all I could manage some days.
We instinctively protect any (physical or emotional) wound from being touched; we flinch, yell and pull away.
Sometimes my sons as little lads would want more than adults dared to access to my immobilised heart innocently looking for affection or attention. Way too often I’d HURT their feelings and flinch, be too busy to be emotionally present for too long and pull away. I would subtly shame them for reaching for or needing me.
“Mummy’s just too, too busy right now,” I’d snap at these darling children with a heavy heart, not wanting them to see the tears I was trying to swallow.
I feel sad admitting this, however, grateful now that this is no longer my truth.
If my sons or another loved one is ever HURTING these days I can offer compassion and gentleness, even if they pull away or flinch as I reach out for them.
Sometimes we flinch because love does feel like disinfectant on an emotional wound that has been neglected for way too long.
So let’s remember to be tender and tolerant today and focus on helping not shaming a heart nursing emotional wounds.
We all have a history of HURTS, some of us have almost fully healed, and some of us are still a work in progress.
Healed hearts are the ones that heal hearts too.
Love, compassion, tenderness and patience are the greatest emotional antibiotics we can give ourselves then share with others.
Being hostile and judgemental of a HURTING heart is like poking an open wound with a sharp stick, it just deepens the wound and adds to the pain.
So how about a gentle kiss from us to ourselves, for our own fragile heart next time we are deeply sad? It is a tough Emotional Fitness exercise to do. We will freely do it for others, but for ourselves? ….
You know your own answer.
It is only a suggestion, so if you are open to it, kiss your fingertips them place them gently over your hard-working heart, close your eyes and pause just for a moment, then breathe deeply and slowly. This quick new habit can short-circuit HURTFUL behaviours some of us carry out frequently towards ourselves and others.
Next time you reach for something to help you swallow rather than feel your tears is the time to start. It might be food, booze, drugs, spending, cleaning, TV or electronic device zombie land, excessive exercise, working hours or bitching. Perhaps even all of them at once, which some of us juggle as an everyday lifestyle!
We do, do, do so we do not have to feel, feel, feel our heart’s HURTS due for healing. As a result to others we seem HURTFUL and heartless, remaining emotionally unavailable.
It’s a lovely self-soothing portable gift that is a great habit to create instead of resorting to heartless behaviours if we are ever feeling a little (or a lot) HURT.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.