Some people love it …
Other’s like myself find too much of it draining, especially without the social lubricant and anesthetic assistance of alcohol.
I have confessed many times throughout my posts that I am an unapologetic introvert. Us introverts just need more alone time and far less time SOCIALISING than extroverts. That does not mean we want to be alone all the time. We crave true intimacy but only really look to SOCIALISE with a small and trusted group of loved ones. Us introverts like people as much as extroverts do. The difference is that we take a quality over quantity approach to SOCIALISING. We prefer intimate gatherings to large parties and one on one conversation to group discussions.
One of the upsides of being in a relationship with us introverts is that we are fiercely loyal to the few people we love and consider true friends. The downside is that we can never keep up with an extrovert’s desire to SOCIALISE.
Mr. Delicious is a healthy extrovert, loves a chat with anyone, anywhere, anytime about anything. He is like a friendly dog always with a waggly tail, willing and always happy to engage. It is a big part of what I adore about him and find so charming.
Me on the other hand, as his wife, I hide behind bushes in our front yard when watering the garden at dusk if a neighbour appears unexpectedly in their yard. Don’t get me wrong, our neighbours are lovely, I am just shit at small talk, I will do anything to avoid it.
Whilst we were away on our very first 6-week holiday as a married couple I struggled with conserving my emotional fuel. Mr. Delicious would accidentally over commit us with social engagements from time to time. One evening he had arranged for us to go to dinner in Monte Carlo with one of his old friends from the U.K. We could have been going to dinner with the Dalai Lama and Oprah; I still did not really want to share anymore of my sacred holiday time with anyone else other than my hubby. Getting him all to myself is so very rare. Usually I am competing with his busy bee schedule, or the dog wanting a cuddle too, so to have uninterrupted private time just alone with him is sacred for me. So SOCIALISING too often especially with people I’ve never met before is like being set a difficult mathematics exam that had to taken late in the evening at my worst time of the day. I’m at my best in the morning, lunchtime I’m still okay, but by the evening I choose very carefully with whom and how often I SOCIALISE.
So I just wanted to unpack this dreaded word for the introverts that struggle with SOCIALISING like I do, to let them know their not alone, and to maybe enlighten some extroverts that perhaps don’t get it.
In a society dominated by extroverts, who gear more towards conversation and activity, us introverts do become marginalised for our perceived lack of SOCIAL skills. The truth is that introverts do not lack SOCIALISING skills. We simply get our energy from being alone rather than from being with other people. This trait of ours is too often confused with shyness, but in fact we may just crave to be left alone.
Extroverts, god love ’em, sometimes do have a difficult time discovering this distinction. Because of their shorter conversational attention spans and inability to be alone for extended periods of time, without explanation they can take our reluctance to SOCIALISE personally. They may ask an introvert to dinner and struggle to understand why we would rather stay home alone in our P.J’s and read than SOCIALISE. Or perhaps they may balk at an introvert’s request to leave a party after only a short time, not getting that the introvert cannot take much more mindless chatter.
We introverts fight battles constantly, especially us sober ones. We simply require time alone everyday to recharge and recollect. We fight the stereotypes branded on us, wishing for nothing more than understanding for often our reluctance to SOCIALISE leads extroverts to believe that we introverts are arrogant, detached, or self-absorbed. This misconception is probably due to our dread of (what seems to us) pointless small talk.
For me anyway, before I enter an unknown social circus, I have to mentally ready myself for an unknown amount of hyper-interaction. I try not to be a recluse because I am so in love with an adorable extrovert, but sometimes my social battery runs out and irritation quickly sets in.
So my hope is that I am able to shed some “food for feeling” if SOCIALISING sometimes becomes an issue in your world too.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
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