If we deeply desire to get another to even want to try to UNDERSTAND who we truly are and what we really need, we need to avoid saying …
“You just don’t UNDERSTAND me”, without taking a good look at ourselves first.
Because the phrase is so accusatory and condescending that it makes it hard for the other to even want to hear us, let alone digest our request and create their desire to want to be more UNDERSTANDING with us!
When we withhold parts of ourselves by omitting the bits we carry shame about from those we want to UNDERSTAND us, it is like hiding vital parts of a jigsaw puzzle. We wont make sense to others; the relationship will feel incomplete, like something is missing. It is. That something is trust.
If we want to be UNDERSTOOD, we have gotta be willing to trust.
No trust = no UNDERSTANDING.
Trust is a word made up of two vital relationship elements “truth” and “us” = “trust”.
We will never be able to relax and believe the other actually gets us, and really UNDERSTANDS who we are if we wont tell them our whole truth, surrender our fears and commit to the big relationship word “us”.
Once we become willing to stop being a lone wolf and find the courage to really open ourselves up, UNDERSTANDING follows. However if we genuinely do not feel safe to share our truth with someone, that is our right. The question we then need to ask ourselves is why do we seek to be UNDERSTOOD by someone we don’t trust?
If we can’t yet explain then stand by and honour our emotional needs simply, and clearly we actually don’t UNDERSTAND nor trust ourselves enough yet. We might need professional help to untangle our self-confusion. We need to be honest with ourselves in relationships in order to UNDERSTAND why we are being misunderstood; it is always more about us and our truth, than them.
None of us are perfect human beings that is why UNDERSTANDING is so very important.
Lots of love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™