What am I talking about? ABSOLUTES are words we too often use flippantly in our dialogue that have great impact. Words like …
ONLY, NEVER and ALWAYS
These are words of commitment that we all need to learn to use with great care.
They build or decay relationships depending on our emotional state when we say them.
Being responsible with our use of ABSOLUTES is a simple Emotional Fitness tip to remember, especially during conflict.
If there is an unpleasant behavior that needs addressing within ourselves or with others, replacing shaming ABSOLUTES in our dialogue will help immensely.
Instead of ALWAYS, ONLY and NEVER, the words “sometimes”, “often” and “rarely” still get the message across, but minimise heart wounding, only touching the ego.
ABSOLUTES when used with fear assassinate one’s entire character, not separating the principle of the behaviour that needs attention (ego) from their personality (the heart of who we are).
For example, when we say to others or silently to ourselves …
“You ALWAYS get it wrong”,
“I am the ONLY one who gets it wrong” or …
“You NEVER do anything right” …
We leave no margin for the heart to have hope for change.
When children are consistently berated with ABSOLUTES, they grow to believe what their elders have said about their lack of potential as being the ABSOLUTE truth.
When lovers use only ABSOLUTES said with fear during conflict, respect and the beauty within the relationship is negated, and dismissed. Using ABSOLUTES creates an imbalanced view of the bigger picture, magnifying only what’s wrong, forgetting all that is right, escalating arguments.
The misuse of sharp, verbal ABSOLUTES as word weapons creates the state of emotional war, as the heart is under attack requiring emotional amour to protect and guard the heart. Guarded hearts become reluctant to connect. They will eventually look elsewhere for emotional safety and care.
However, when we use ABSOLUTES not as a weapon of fear but with the wand of love they offer the ABSOLUTE opposite result. Guarded and wounded hearts are more likely to drop their amour, find refuge as the desire to connect returns. ABSOLUTES used wisely offer emotional safety.
“You ALWAYS manage to make me smile.”
“You are the ONLY one for me.”
“I’d NEVER deliberately hurt your feelings.”
So let us pay a little more attention to how we use ABSOLUTES in our conversations, ensuring we create a sense of emotional security and reconnect upset hearts.
The question to ALWAYS ask ourselves is …
Are we ABSOLUTELY sure when we use these big-statement words ONLY, NEVER and ALWAYS about what we’re choosing to create?
Are we using them as a weapon or a wand?
Is it unhappiness, distance and emotional war we’re choosing, or peaceful resolution and a deeper understanding?
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.