“Let no man pull you so low as to hate him” Martin Luther King Jr advises us.
Great wisdom, but easier said than done though for some of us.
This four-letter word is one I have truly had a love, HATE relationship with.
I have been reluctant to really revisit this word intimately for quite a few years.
The last time I was intimate and honest with my truth about who and what I HATED most in my life and in this world was back in 1995 when my emotional recovery journey truly began.
When I was informed by my wise male elder (my therapist) in the early days of my recovery that it was vital for my Emotional Fitness to uncover and discover my HATE, I was reluctant to go near it.
My HATE was like an active volcano in the midst of my heart. I tried to stay as far away from as I was able. It was deep, and hot, dangerous and unpredictable.
Truth be told, my HATE had fermented into explosive rage and its lava was destroying the landscape of my heart.
So sadly it’s often the case for some of us that the most difficult and deepest feelings of HATE we need to confess to in order to be free from are with those we have also trusted and been the most vulnerable with.
Often we HATE the fact that we loved them deeply.
My HATE’s lava was too scalding hot for my throat to bear speaking it out, so I started in silence painting it out first.
The series of paintings that resulted from my HATE detox were exhibited by a gallery owner along with a series of other works I did in early recovery.
Her favourites, which astounded me, were about the two sexually violent male predators in my childhood.
When she initially saw my work she asked me about my “process”.
“I’m not an artist, and this is not art,” I replied a little annoyed and confused at her questions.
“So I don’t have a process, I just vomit feelings on to a canvas when I can’t find words to translate them,” I said quite snappily I must confess.
“Cynthia,” she said in a very authoritative tone, then looked me deeply in the eye as she paused to make sure she had my full attention.
“That’s exactly what art is, my love.”
The paintings she was most taken with I’d titled “Dead Crocodile Eyes” about one predator’s violence when drunk, and …
The Screaming Kettle translating my internal silent childhood hysteria when I was sent to the other cruel pedophile’s house next-door for babysitting.
The HATE lava that spewed on to those canvases I am grateful to never have to release again. I sobbed, dry-retched, and let out primal whimpers and wails between bouts of laying fetal on the floor, my hands covered in red paint, the blood of my volcanic HATE.
It was scolding me from the inside until I released it.
So let us remember when it comes to HATE to be respectful of its nature and to handle it with great care.
Some of us carry volcanic HATE that we feel deep shame and panic about.
My wise therapist had great skills in handling the volcanic emotional lava of my childhood HATE. I have been taught through his skilled tutelage to HATE the behaviour but love the person.
HATE work needs to be addressed, not avoided, for we can’t grow flowers in our heart’s garden if its grounding is polluted with hot HATE lava.
It took years and years of committed emotional gymwork for my once severely scalded heart to fully heal and recover.
The additional healing love of my divine sons beautiful, playful hearts and my herculean-hearted husband have worked nothing short of miracles in my life. I am delighted to report my heart’s garden is now in full bloom, free from the lava of past HATE.
So if someone in your orbit has HATE issues with loved ones, judgement and shame is not helpful, for they will already be carrying far more than their heart can bear.
So I will leave you with another beautiful line from Martin Luther King Jr to ponder …
“HATE cannot drive out HATE, only love can do that.”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift just click on the SHOP tab and place your order.