When someone else disrespects us behaving in a HEARTLESS way and shuts us out, it is tempting to do the same to them.
It’s helpful to remember they are simply fearful thus closing off to love for self-protection. We all do it from time to time. It’s not right or wrong, it just a choice.
When us humans are afraid some of us prefer to surf our anger, quietly or loudly, and some of us prefer to collapse into sadness. Both are fear channels. Both are a part of our humanity that we need to not get superior nor shaming about. We all tune into our anger to drown out our own fear, and use our sadness to give ourselves permission to tune out of being available to others from time to time.
Honouring anger and sadness with love helps healing and resolution result. It’s bloody hard to do though. So many of us shame anger in ourselves and others because it is a challenging emotion. Sadness is also rarely processed with dignity for we too can find ourselves “shoulding and shaming” human sadness when we are overwhelmed, therefore it snowballs and is never fully resolved. When we neglect or shame any emotion cutting off human compassion and patience we become the HEARTLESS.
We either give into the easy option of being fearful of ours or others big, inconvenient feelings or we take the more challenging road and remain loving. Loving does not mean enabling poor behavior in ourselves or others though. Fear renders us aggressive or submissive. Love empowers us with calm assertion. So if someone attempts to cross a personal boundary with robust levels of emotional fitness we are able to remain loving yet assertive and perhaps respond with …
“No thanks, this is the line where I end and you begin, this is not okay for me”.
We can self protect without being HEARTLESS. It’s denial of love that hurts us and others. If we remain loving towards ourselves when another is being HEARTLESS attempting to hurt us, they will not have any power to devastate us.
The truth is no-one has the power to neither devastate nor complete us unless we give it to them, by agreeing with them that we are unlovable or incomplete.
So let’s remember from now on to work on our willingness to honour our heart without shame nor embarrassment.
This is what empowers us with self-respect and the emotional muscle to remain calmly assertive, reminding us and them that we are all worthy of respect and compassion.
We all have the right to choose fear and be HEARTLESS (disconnect from our heart), but this saps our power and drains self-respect. So let’s give someone a break who may be being HEARTLESS (maybe it’s us with too much fluff in our ears) by remaining just a little more patient and respectful.
If we can keep a calm heart we become like a shady tree on a hot day, and, people we love who need shelter will eventually come to us with gratitude.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2017 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift for another just email me firstname.lastname@example.org xxx