“If I had no sense of HUMOR, I would have long ago committed suicide.”
Mahatma Gandhi was not being melodramatic when he said this. It’s so very true that HUMOUR can save our lives from excessive darkness by reminding us that joy, love and light-heartedness exist.
I remember when I had been single for quite sometime in my early 40s. I dated but really did believe that the man I was looking for did not exist. I was beginning to believe I was just too much hard work for any man. I did not drink, nor take drugs any more, was a single mother with too many trashed marriages and relationships behind me. My emotional resume was challenging to say the least for any prospective male to take on. Plus I had never really liked men (except my Papa and sons), so I always left them too emotionally unfit, wounded and unwilling to become too vulnerable before a decade with any one male had passed. I simply preferred to be alone. Taking on a relationship with myself clean and sober since 1995 had proved emotionally challenging enough for me to say the least.
So I often wondered if any man would dare attempt trying to get close to me. More to the point, if I would dare let him. Physically sure, I had no problem, I enjoyed sex. But emotionally? No, I did not want to give my power away, and had no idea how to truly partner and make healthy compromises.
The upside of choosing to be alone was that I had also found great reward in befriending myself. Living clean and sober for the first time in my adult life allowed my sense of HUMOUR, a delightful and unexpected gift, to emerge. Tear-inducing, snorting deep, involuntary belly laughs that I had not experienced in such a long, long time seemed to come as a part of the deal.
Who knew? I thought I would be as sad as fuck without booze, men and drugs. Instead a refreshing new hilarity emerged as I learnt how not to take myself and others so damned seriously. I could find myself laughing until I snorted at myself and the world in general in a completely new way. Unlike getting the giggles when I was stoned that was forgettable when I was straight again, a full-on belly laugh was the best natural high I had ever had. And, it would remain accessible in my heart’s library indefinitely. I could recall what had made me laugh months ago and still break out in uncontrollable laughter. It was bloody great. So maybe, just maybe, there might be someone out there that might enjoy the light-hearted parts of me I had begun to cultivate. I hoped.
Disenchanted with dating after breaking up with an 80% good guy I was complaining to my therapist. I liked a lot about this guy except he did not get my HUMOUR. He would look at me bewildered as I would snort and laugh at something he found unfunny. He would smile at me wanting to join me, but unable to.
“Well, he’s not your man, Cynthia”, my therapist stated very matter of factly.
“Laughter and tears are the vital language of the heart. You have endured too much sadness in your life, and now deserve a great deal of joy and laughter. If you don’t instinctively laugh and enjoy your lover’s HUMOUR and also feel safe enough to cry and be vulnerable the relationship quite simply doesn’t have legs long term” He looked me directly in the eye as he continued …
“Don’t sell yourself out now, Cynthia, you’ve worked too hard and come too far. You are better off alone surrounded with good friends until you find a bloke that really lights your heart up and laughs along with you” He was so very right.
I did not want to hear it at the time, but I stayed single, not selling out, unwilling to rip myself off from a laughing and tender lover. Months later Mr Delicious walked into my life. We laugh more now than we did when I first fell in love with him back in 2003. Our closest friends are also those that share a similar wickedly naughty sense of inappropriate HUMOUR with us too.
When it comes to your sense of HUMOUR honouring it as not just a luxury, but as a vital necessity in long-term relationships, is wise. Life is full of light and darkness for us all. Being able to find HUMOUR when the shit hits the fan is so very helpful, and a true blessing in relationship with ourselves and those we love.
So if you or someone you love has lost their sense of HUMOUR lately, why not deliberately install some fun into life? Go to a comedy club, or watch a movie that you know will give you a laugh, or just invest in some healthy silliness to reboot the heart.
I will leave you with this little quote from Henry Ward Beecher as I sign off today …
“A person without a sense of HUMOUR is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted harshly by every little pebble on the road”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™