“The most beautiful curve on a woman’s body is her smile”. What a man Bob Marley was, wise, wise words.
As we entered the Sheraton Noosa on Hastings Street, I saw her circling my husband and our dear friend’s hubby too. She was staggering but not too far gone. A good looking, well dressed, middle aged woman with great hair, who would be embarrassed if shown footage of herself now, tomorrow morning.
“Let’s watch for a while?” I asked my girlfriend we will call Darling Heart. I touched her elbow to invite her to another table. Her husband was the next sexual meal this PREDATORY WOMAN was working on devouring. If only she could stand straight.
My husband (Mr. Delicious) saw us enter and looked over at me and smiled. This play was entertaining to watch but for me this PREDATORY WOMAN was also an important mirror and reminder. For that hungry, lonely, woman on the hunt, has been me in years gone by.
“There but for the grace of God go I”. Beautiful Barbs wise words reminding me to not judge others silently, gently tapping me on the heart.
Darling Heart and I had been sitting outside eating our divine gelati, relishing in the wealth of time we had to just catch up and chat. About men, kids, ex-wives, our fears and our love and respect for each other as friends. Darling Heart and her hubby, Mr. Delicious and I have all been married before and so the complexities that step parenting, dealing with ex’s, and the passage of time are subjects of which we are all supportive of in each other’s lives. Though usually we are not able to spend a few days together like we were on this trip. Normally we are all busy working people. So getting together usually means in the midst of cooking feasts for our collective families.
But on this particular evening we had been shopping, beaching, people watching and sipping good coffee at Aromas, playing scrabble, snoozing, laughing, strolling and had just returned from seeing an early movie Noosa Junction.
It was early around 9.00pm, when Mr. Delicious and my girlfriend’s hubby wanted a beer, and we wanted gelati. So they went into the Sheraton and we decided to have some treasured alone girl time and chat outside whilst enjoying our exquisitely creamy iced treats. We had been deeply immersed in conversation when it started to rain so we unwillingly had to move and went to see what our lads were up to.
Our hubbies in our eyes are both are fit, good looking, and distinguished silver foxes. If I was a single middle-aged woman I would be interested as these guys are unmistakably stylishly, sexy alpha males.
As I looked around the bar I could see many single middle-aged women. Good looking, tanned beauties with flowers in their hair and time on their hands.
I recalled my drinking days when I would go hunting. Not for sex, but for a feed of attention and adoration. For it was always lacking in my life regardless of whether I was single or had a partner. I was always waiting, wanting and looking. I remember reading a magazine article about a movie star who spoke about never being able to give her full attention to any man she was with when out at a restaurant or bar. She was always waiting for the next best thing, or her true love, the one, to walk into the room and finally satisfy this inconvenient hunger she lived with.
That was me. I could have been partnered with George Clooney and Dr. Phil in one and would still have been out on the hunt. For me when I drank and took drugs, I remained disconnected from myself. I was always looking for true meaning, true love and true satisfaction to no avail.
The true love I was seeking was not ever going to be found in the perfect partner. I had to spend time alone, un partnered, sober and straight before I could satisfy my heart hunger. The partnership I was seeking was one with myself. For I had been divorced from my own heart since I was a young child. Until I came home, unpacked, sobered up, straightened up and moved into my own truth there would be no peace.
We eventually joined our men and the PREDATORY WOMAN and her two friends who seemed happy to settle for her scraps for she was the Alpha Female did not give up their position blind, literally to the fact that these men were taken. Her empty gaze, heavy and slow blinking as PREDATORY WOMAN slurred her words saddened me. We sat for a while, both of us willing to be gracious and compassionate. We stayed only for perhaps ten minutes more before excusing ourselves, and I felt proud to be in the company I was with as we all ensured we treated her and her posse with respect and kindness.
As I sit here and type these words I send my heartfelt love to those middle aged sisters that I met that night. It is a living hell being lost in the illusion that the right partner will change everything. Looking outside of myself for that hit of attention and adoration kept me chasing my tail for decades. Nothing changed, until I was willing to change.
I needed to start paying attention to my own heart and loving myself for all of my mistakes, fears, and failings. I had to be reminded by my heart mother Beautiful Barb consistently that I deserve the same love for myself that I give to my children. I love my children no matter what they do and always will. I will not abandon them, give up on them, call them names nor tell them they are too much work. I will always accept them, support them, and love and adore them when they forget how wonderful they are. That is the true meaning of tough love. To love others when they are acting unlovable. That when others leave, tough love stays.
I had to learn how to give myself the same commitment. To marry myself for better and for worse. I had left myself for almost two decades. I was lost in the wilderness of drugs and alcohol. I had abandoned myself and wandered around in my own personal hell longing for a heart connection. I have learned that when I crave attention and adoration it is my job to give it to myself. Like when I crave water, it means I am dehydrated. It is no-one else’s responsibility to ensure I drink enough water. I must look after this for myself. To pay attention to what I feel then honour it so that my heart does not emotionally dehydrate is exactly the same principle for me nowadays.
So today’s Word Vitamin is a reminder to be kind to the PREDATORY WOMAN within us all that can become emotionally, sexually and financially hungry if we don’t take good care of ourselves. It’s an adult’s woman’s responsibility to attend to her own emotional needs, to learn how to feel good about herself physically and sexually whether single or in a relationship, and to financially support herself. It’s called self respect and it’s life’s ultimate currency.
This DWV is also a reminder to the males that it is not their job to fill and fix a woman’s life, nor is it her job to fix and fill his. That is called rescuing, and it’s a recipe for disaster in a long-term intimate relationship.
PREDATORY WOMEN and men hunt often without considering their prey for they are in survival mode. Some of us will admit to having hunted for a partner being inconsiderate of the consequences and the cost to our self respect.
So let’s all get off any high moral horses we’ve been on in our past and remember ..
“There but for the grace of god go I”.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
This Word Vitamin is an excerpt from my latest bookset “The Four Seasons of the Heart”. If you would like to order your own full set of Daily Word Vitamins one for each day of the year, in book form for yourself or as a gift for someone you care about just click on the SHOP tab and place your order. If you’d like to learn more about my groups and workshops just click on the EVENTS tab, then if you’d like to make a booking or purchase a gift certificate just click back on the SHOP tab xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™
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