Adults still need TRAINER WHEELS from time to time in life.
Learning anything new or foreign can be confronting for the ol’ ego when we are grown ups that are supposed to have our shit together.
One of the most challenging areas many adults struggle with is not in the physical or intellectual arenas, but with the emotional stuff. Relationships are very much like emotional assignments designed to help us open up, learn and grow.
I know I repeat these three phrases often; it is because most adults are still on their TRAINER WHEELS in one or more areas. Our Emotional Fitness will be compromised thus the intimacy, trust and loyalty we desire will remain out of reach if we ignore finding our balance in these three areas.
1. I love you
2. I am sorry
3. Please help me
These are not just phrases we can say without heart to those we love. If our heart does not engage we lose credibility. Some adults say these words but make neither changes nor heartfelt commitment to grow, open up and learn. Some adults cannot say any of these phrases yet wonder why their relationships are crashing or meaningless.
So when it comes to your intimate nearest and dearest lovers, spouses, children, family and friends how are you and feely saying with an open heart and full eye contact these three phrases?
How are those closest to you at saying them to you?
How do you respond when these words are said to you, with an open or closed heart?
I have been doing my Emotional Fitness revision homework on my intimate relationships since I got clean and sober back in 1995. I have good emotional balance and can recover my centre if I fall over when it comes to saying I love you and I am sorry. However I am still on my TRAINER WHEELS when it comes to saying please help me.
I actually awoke recently after a restless night knowing I needed to ask for help. At 3am my heart started pounding with anxiety and woke me up. I laid there for an hour in the dark talking to my troubled heart with my compassionate maternal voice. I was able to comfort myself enough to go back to sleep however at 6am my hubby rolled over and asked if I was okay. I didn’t want to confide in him because I knew I needed to cry. He knows my energy intimately and looked me directly in the eye and said …
“Sweetheart, talk to me.”
So I did and I cried as I had to admit to him I had uncovered some deeper insight about myself and “the sisterhood” that hit a very raw nerve for me as it linked back to m biological mother and sister. I found it hard to speak through the painful lump in my throat that was having contractions as I allowed myself to birth my words of truth that I’d never before that moment felt safe enough to say. I was wobbly and did not yet have my centre with this new insight. I felt vulnerable and would have hurt myself if I’m not patient and don’t ask for help.
After speaking with him I felt comforted however he is not a female and suggested I share with my safe sisterhood this new emotional birth. On my TRAINER WHEELS with allowing even more of my fragile heart to be known I got on my little bike and asked for help. My heart pounds, my voice trembles, tears involuntarily fill my eyes and my hands shake when I need to ask for help. I am at my strongest helping others but at my most fragile when I need to ask, but I did it.
So as we digest the concept of emotional TRAINER WHEELS are there any of these three areas you need to work on your balance with still? If so, my suggestion is to be as kind, gentle and reassuring towards yourself as you would be to a child learning how to ride a two wheeler. We would encourage them to lean on their TRAINER WHEELS in the beginning if they got tired, a fright or just overwhelmed with the excitement of the potential of mastering a new freedom.
Bill Withers so beautifully reminds us with his lyrics …
“Lean on me when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx
© Copyright 2016 Cynthia J. Morton Emotional Fitness™